RE: So Maybe I Like to Paint...

The best [and worst] part about the place was the unlimited amounts of alone time shared with - ME.
Living-learning-imagining-daydreaming-

Solo times of a small girl preoccupied with dreams and hopes and nerves and constant thoughts of "what's to come..."

Learning to trust life and that the grand plan, is and always will be, different than my creatively structured forecast.

A truly memorable time of life-

Me & my garage apartment...

I could spend hours playing dress up only to spend the remainder of my day cleaning house in what ended up being an apron/heels/red lipstick/hair sash combo--for only my eyes to see...As well as any passerby's who happened to glance through my less than adequate window coverings.

Every so often I'd spend a whole evening 'wasting time' lying about watching hours worth of Weeds Or Grey's Anatomy- or a series of Red Box movies followed by every special feature offered in the index. 

When Winter came, I picked up a violin from Summerhays for a minimal rental price of $13.00 per month and decided to give that a shot again after years without playing.  We spent numerous nights trying to figure each other out- picking and plucking and bowing- but as it turns out, my violin and I went our separate ways for a reason.  I'm certain that with enough effort from each of us, my violin friend and I will one day reunite and bless the world with musical goodness that does not sound like like a shreaking child bellowing the notes of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in 16 plus [very spectacular] variations.

Over and over and over...

Decorating & redecorating.
Placing books into their perfectly coordinated, color specific section on the inlaid bookcase-
The plates, bowls, mugs & glasses standing perfectly in their assigned alignment atop the open-faced kitchen shelving.

Non matching items held their place in a dark cupboard so as not to disturb the perfectly color/size coordinated decor which seemed to miraculously morph into a mess within a day of 'living' anyway.

The best part of this small home was the fact that I could alter its beauty in any way I chose-- Any time I chose.  The walls...the floor...the cupboards...shelving--
I could paint and get it all over the concrete floor and not have to explain myself to anyone-
or clean up when through.

Such is the life I wish to paint-- no stress for the mess ups- no limitations.

Just live.

And if I do a bad job- so what...it's all I can do.

Sometimes I miss this old place--

But mostly I'm happy for a house filled with life--

with color-

with non matching items lining the shelves-

And love...

Limitless love for the girl I truly am--

Even as my imperfections are exposed on a daily basis.

Sometimes 'reality' frightens me and I feel insecure and anxious of the details-
And even still--I can't wait for more...
For "what's to come..."

*'The Girl' painted by yours truly in said garage apartment - March(?) 2009*

So maybe I like to think I can paint my own reality--

xoxo-

This Billy